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THE
**REAL** MEANING OF WORDS
MISTAKE
Something a virgin and a parachutist can only make once.
KLEPTOMANIAC
A snatch thief. Greatly feared by virgins.
VIRGIN MONKEY
A monkey that doesn't allow another monkey
to monkey around with her monkey.
ADOLESCENCE
Midway between childhood and adultery.
A DEEP KISS
That's when your tongue is so far down her throat that
you can taste the nicotine on your fingers.
VIRGIN WOOL
Wool from a sheep that could outrun the farmer.
SLIDING ZIPPER
The last thing a girl hears as a virgin.
HEN PARTY
A bunch of birds clucking about who is laying whom.
RELUCTANT VIRGIN
One who doesn't want to be one.
VIRGINITY
A big issue over a little tissue.
DOWN AND OUT
A gay guy who is so ugly he has to go out with girls.
SEMI-VIRGIN
A girl who tried it once and didn't like it.
IMPATIENT VIRGIN
The only hunter who uses herself as bait.
METALLURGIST
A man who can take one look at a platinum blonde and
tell whether she is virgin metal or common ore.
A LOSER IS...
A guy that has a wet dream and wakes up next morning with
V.D.
GAY RANCHERO
A cowhand who rides sidesaddle.
OLD MAID
One who has given up all hope of giving in.
RACIAL PREJUDICE
A pigment of your imagination.
ECSTASY
The feeling you get when you feel you are going
to feel a feeling you never felt before.
UPS AND DOWNS
What life is full of. Just ask the new bride.
PAJAMAS
Items of clothing newlyweds place beside their bed in case
of fire.
PREGNANT
Past tense of virgin.
STORK
A bird that is frequently called to account for
misdemeanors which should really
be blamed on a lark.
OPTIMIST
A pregnant girl who rubs vanishing cream on her tummy.
MOTHER'S DAY
Nine months after Father's Day.
SUSPICION
When your beautiful new wife has forty-six towels in her
hope chest - each from a different hotel.
HYSTERECTOMY
An operation that removes the baby carriage but
leaves the playpen in good condition.
PREGNANT
A woman all swelled up over her mate's handiwork.
QUADRUPLETS
When one goes into one, one time, and there's four to
carry.
SNOW JOB
What a lover uses on a woman to defrost her.
LOVE NEST
Where a girl who offers no resistance leads a very nice
existence.
TRUE LOVE
An injection with affection to the midsection
from a projection, without objection.
SALESMANSHIP
Ability to turn rape into rapture.
SUSPICION
What you awaken in your wife when you come home
from a trip with new sex techniques.
MALE MENOPAUSE
Change of wife.
MISTRESS
Something between a mister and a mattress.
ADULTERY
Two wrong people doing the right thing.
HOMOSEXUAL
A man's man.
LESBIAN
A mannish depressive with illusions of gender.
MINUTE MAN
A man who double-parks in front of a house of ill-repute.
PROFESSIONAL
A girl who takes it in her head to make money.
PIMP
Nookie bookie.
LA DOLCE VITA
A streetwalker in Rome who believes in never letting a
Dago by.
PRAM
Last years fun on wheels, or a blunder bus.
COOK
A man who fills tarts with cream.
AGONY
Teeth marks on the dunny door.
PAIN
Sliding down a forty foot razor blade using your balls for
a brake.
INNOCENCE
A woman making french letters thinking they are sleeping
bags for white mice.
HONESTY
A pregnant girl paying one and a half on the bus.
SUSPICION
Bullshit in a cow paddock.
TOM CAT
A ball bearing mouse trap.
BALL RACE
A tom cat with a twenty yard start on the vet.
MASTURBATION
Doing your own thing.
DINOSAUR
Ancient fossil with a colossal tossle.
ESKIMO
Frigid midget with a rigid digit.
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
A Communist contraceptive.
MURDERER
An extroverted suicide.
DIVORCE
Changing your Lay of Wife.
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